An open letter from Mr. Potato Head

I am not losing my status as a Mister.

The woke left quickly celebrated my reported demise earlier today at about the same time the reactionary right was going to yam-mer on about culture wars.

I know the fake news of my neutering especially had people in Jersey Royal-ly upset, but thankfully all those Red faces of anger have been calmed.

The news media clearly deserve a fries, uh prize, for the White lies they told about me today. Be sure to finger(ling) those enemies of the spuds.

The Mrs. and I ask for privacy as we Russet up the energy needed to return to public life. Your thoughts and prayers are welcomed at this most difficult time.

Thank you,

Mr. Head

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